Harder than Anticipated

There’s so much I want to share. So few words have come in my heart to be able to do so. It’s been a constant struggle as of late.

2015 started off with a challenge. A challenge to really discover who I am. Not just as the facts about me, but to really discover who I was created to be.

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A challenge that I never expected to be so difficult. Even though I should have.

This year of self really encompasses just about all of the last several years into one. Recently I’ve discovered this journey is forcing me to better understand all the words I have been challenged with in the last few years. it’s almost like perpetual deja vu.

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This feeling, the feeling of deja vu, it’s hitting in just about every way.

  • Physically-Reacquainting myself with a diagnosis that was a dream changer to begin with. While last time it was a gateway to the dream happening, this time it’s a whole different story.
  • Emotionally-Allowing myself to experience the emotions that come with the changes but not letting them take residence and bring me down is quite a challenge this time around.
  • Spiritually-Learning to trust again, to lean into His plan, His will, His grace. A journey I’d thought I’d accomplished…evidently not.
  • Mentally-Letting my mind wrap around it all again. Remembering to embrace this as a chance to rediscover the God I claim to follow.

 

Close your eyes

Close your eyes and let it all flow. The hurt. The pain. The sadness. The aching. Let it flow in so it can flow out.

Once its all out, take a deep breath.

Close your eyes again. Let it flow in. The mercy. The healing. The soothing. The peace. Let it overwhelm the others.
Take it in. Hold it close. It’s all that’ll keep you afloat.

Take a deep breath, trusting that there are better days ahead. A brighter plan. A reason behind this ugliness.

Close your eyes. Take a deep breath. Rest in the arms of your Creator.

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