It’s time

It’s been time. Should have happened long ago.

I’m done trying. I’m done striving. I’m done working harder than most see only to keep slipping backwards.

I’m done piloting. I’m done constantly worrying. I’m done trying to make everything happen. I’m just done.

It’s not that I’m going to quit. I’m not giving up. Not at all. Rather, I’m going to start living.

If I’m so busy trying to make things work, if I’m working
just to barely make ends meet, if I’m doing things just to say I’ve accomplished something, I’ve lost sight of all that matters.

It’s time I stop working to make a life and start living the life I’ve been blessed with.

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I know that when I stop focusing on all the trivial issues that living in this world brings in my path and begin to focus on the One who put me on this path, things will dissipate. It will work out. I know it’s true. I’ve seen it happen. I’ve experienced it first hand. Why then do I always fall into this pattern.

It doesn’t work when I decide to take the pilot’s seat. Honestly, it doesn’t even work when I’m in the co-pilot’s seat. It only works when I give the seat up to the One who knows the destination intended for me.

The reigns aren’t mine to hold. Boy does it feel good to have them at first. Then something changes, somehow I end up in a desolate, deserted area. Searching. Panicking. Frazzled.

Then I hear it. It’s in the distance. It’s faint. As I turn toward the sound it begins to get louder. Then I take a step in that direction. With each step it gets a little clearer. Before long I see something in the distance. That’s when the running starts. As I get closer I feel the peace over take me. I feel the freedom of being back on the right path. I feel the joy of knowing that He has my path planned for me.

It is only up to me to not let go of His hand. If I remain with God, I will succeed. The trials will still be there , but He will fight for me. I just need to clamp on to my Protector with all I am.

Because I know, in the end, He will win it all.

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FMF: Lost

Go

Looked at this weeks prompt 10 minutes ago. Thought about waiting. Then this song pops on:

My mind instantly comes to this word. Lost.

How often do I find myself in worship, but rather than be swept away in the Spirit, I find myself lost.

Lost in my own thoughts. Lost in problems pressing in deeper and deeper. Lost in the music being played. Or the people playing it. Lost in the to do list. Lost in condemning myself of mistakes made. Lost in comparison. Lost in everything that the devil wants me to be.

Rather than losing myself in worship, I lose myself before I can get out of my own brain.

Getting lost in my Creator during worship used to be so easy for me. The first song would start and before I knew it, I was on my knees, sobbing–good sobs, on awe of the meeting that was taking place within me.

What happened to the days when we would worship to give God the praise? Have we lost sight of the One who made us, in order to draw more people in? Have we lost track of the heart of worshipping Him and have found ourselves guilty of entertaining those around us?

We cannot let the heart of worship be lost. After all, without the heart-God-it is no longer worship. It’s a performance.

I would rather get lost in worship than let the heart of worship be lost.

Stop

Trophy of Grace…

When we first started delving into this book. I knew it was going to be big. I’ve been on a journey to overcoming labels and that is exactly what the book is enabling us to do. Instead of living under the all too familiar labels we so often succumb to, we are learning to relabel ourselves with descriptions that could only come from our Majestic Creator.

This weeks focus is taking off the “damaged goods” label that we have all had at one point in time or another and seeing ourselves as the “trophy of grace” God made us to be. Overcoming our past. The mistakes we’ve made. The bruises, wounds and scars left by others passing through. The circumstantial, relational and socioeconomic brokenness we tend to identify with.

Growing up I was the girl who always minded my own business. I kept everything to myself. The good, the bad, and most importantly, the ugly. I convinced myself that, while I keeping everyone at an arms reach, I was doing okay. That I could manage all on my own.

Some days I can still hear the faint whispers of degrading remarks made by someone who was supposed to love, support, and guide into the woman I was made to be. Rather, all I remember from that period of my life is the tone of never bring able to succeed, being too out-of-shape, and hearing the repetitive message of “no one will ever love you if…” Very few outside of the house had any inkling on the overall atmosphere going on inside.

Thankfully, I had already been a believer for a few years by the time it all started. I had a church family who were telling me the exact opposite. However, when the negative input out weighs the positive 5 days to 2, it’s had to truly see yourself in the positive ways.

I am convinced that I was called to follow Him at the age of 9 to help protect my heart and soul from being consumed by these lies from the ages of 13 to almost 18. You see, my soul was already occupied by the Holy Spirit, there was no room for the lies to dwell in the depths of my life.

I can picture the battle that was going on within me. The lies of failure, inadequacy, fear, and hopeless relentlessly trying to defeat me. Their strength, all though painful, couldn’t penetrate the shield already living within me. The force within me was greater than those arrows of lies, its greater still than the punches of life, and it will be for as long as I’m living. This force field-if you will-is comprised of the Truth and what He made me to be. Such things as love, strength, enough, worthy, beautiful, and so many more. That list will never end.

I just have to choose to believe His words concerning me. Not the words of a broken, fallen human. I’ll be the first to admit, that I fail at doing this, more than I care to admit. Every day is still a battle. In this life, the small battles are where we find the strength to conquer the wars.

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Every day I claim a new identity for myself. Every day I am learning to grasp that I am no longer damaged goods, but rather I am a trophy of grace.