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When it breaks

Numb.

That’s the only way to describe it. Duration is unknown. After all, in a state of numbness, it’s next to impossible to keep track of time. Breakthrough happens when the running, the dodging, the ignoring stops. Hiding only lasts so long.

When the breakthrough comes, it’s like a dam opening. All the passion that’s been building erupts like a volcano. It’s effects feel life threatening. That’s when it becomes real.

Trying to pinpoint. It’s been a year, maybe more. Given a gift, one that had been desired but that had been deemed unlikely. That’s when it started.

The dodging, the preoccupation, the busyness, the hum-drum of daily life. When the gifts began pouring, the easiest thing to do was hide. To act as though nothing had happened.

When in reality, life had changed. Drastically.

Perhaps acceptance of the change kept feet dragging. Maybe the responsibilities with the change seemed too daunting. Likely, feeling unworthy pulled the heart away.

The dam finally broke. With it comes tears. Lots of tears. Pain takes several forms. An aching from deep within. One that can no longer be tamed.

Along with that. A weight. Compassion. Empathy. Uncertainty. Terror. All of it overwhelms.

Where to go from here is unknown. What to do with the ripples from here on out cannot be fathomed with human understanding.

Where passion is, purpose can be found. With purpose, fulfillment. With fulfillment, joy. Joy then leads back to passion.

Faced with a choice, continue to let it flow. Embrace the beast.

Or rebuild the dam. Go back to how it was before. Embrace the numb. The mediocrity.

The prayer is for lasting passion. To feel again. To not just be day to day but rather live out the passion. To ride the wave and see where it ends. Not only that but to enjoy the journey, not hide at the first sign of rapids.

It’s bound to be an exciting ride. Pray He holds fast when it’s not humanly possible any longer.

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