To choose. To make a decision. To place judgement.
Choosing is something that’s not come very easily for me throughout my life. I have always had an analytical mind that lead me to running every. possible. scenario through my mind before making my choice. This happened with even the simplest choices.
I can’t count the number of times that we would be at a store and I would be given the opportunity to choose what item I wanted to get. I could stand there for hours weighing the differences between this and that. Which one would give me the greatest immediate satisfaction. Which choice would give me the longest satisfaction. Which color did I like better. Which would make me the happiest. Would it really complete me, or was I just making the choice because I needed to choose?
I remember standing with one item in each hand and feeling the tears welling up in my eyes because I just couldn’t choose. I remember having whomever I was with tell me to make a choice or we would put both back and I wouldn’t be able to get anything. Then the tears really would start to flow because in my mind each of the items had feelings. I just couldn’t hurt either of their feelings.
Choosing is still something that comes hard for me today. I am almost always left with guilt after making a difficult decisions. My mind continues to play the what if games long after the choice was made.
This is one of my favorite things to do each week. I join up with other bloggers to just pour my heart out. Won’t you join us over there? (Click the picture below to be taken to the original post).