Growing up there was this one song. A song I could never get sick of hearing. A song that in my heart I believed was true. Or maybe, I hoped it was true so intensely that it became a belief in my life.
As a child, I didn’t have a plethora of friends…and honestly I still don’t. The only difference between then and now is that I choose to keep only a small number of friends. Through middle school, I can remember only having 3 friends at any given time, not by choice.
I wanted sooooo badly to be part of the “in” crowd. The issues were: I wore hand-me-downs, not the latest styles. I didn’t have the latest hair styles, or the hair to even consider any sort of hair style. I didn’t say the right words, or if I used the right words…they were in the wrong order. The list could go on and on.
I often found myself to be on the outside of the crowd. Usually a style behind…or 5. I prided myself in being the teacher’s pet. I found identity in being the quiet one, the loner, the ear for others.
Few people knew me for me.
This song was my hope. My comfort. My guarantee that I would indeed have life long friendships. After all, the lyrics are:
As I have gotten older, that very line haunts me. For two reasons. First, I typically see faces of former friends (followers of Christ as well) who are no longer in the friend area…and if those lyrics are true, the friendships would still be alive and well. Second, through said friendships, I have learned that sometimes, sometimes God leads one to let go of friendships for many different reasons. Usually unique to the particular relationship.
This topic of friends has been on my mind a lot as of late. The progress that’s been made, even in the past year, is astonishing. Walking through, stressing over, and crying about a fading, failing friendship is what I’ve known. What I’ve done so often in the past. To the point of annoying my other friends because I became a bit obsessive about it.
But not so much anymore. Recently I’ve had friendships fade to practically non-existent. The only reason it’s bothered me, is because it hasn’t bothered me. I’ve also had others shift. Before, it would have typically been a life altering, stressed filled, analyzing ball of fun for me. Now, I was able to allow it to happen, to believe (really believe) that it is for the best. Best for them and best for myself. I have one very close one that is likely to drastically change by spring instead of feeling frantic, there is peace and excitement. I have had several start or blossom in the past year as well.
So, no longer do I believe that friendships are eternal just because God is in it. However, I do believe their impact is eternal. Now, I choose to follow His path for my friendships. I give them to Him to decide how they need to fit in my life, my circumstance, my journey. Or if they don’t need to be at all.
So this I ask you friends, is there a saying you used to cling to, that now you just find silly?