Growing up I was always the outcast, the odd-one-out, the loner. Even in my own family. I have always been the one who you’d see sitting back watching others. It didn’t matter what it was, if it was a group thing, I quickly placed myself on the outside. I had convinced myself that it was safer to be the loner, to not have to lean on any other person. Even when the tough times came, I always found a way to glide through them, to work through them, to trudge through them, without having to ask for help from anyone.
While I always had friends, I had been one (and still can be sometimes) to keep them at arms length. Having learned that most people that come in do so to only leave gaping wounds and then walk away. From an early age, I had learned that relying on others around me was something that I could not do without experiencing huge hurt and heartache. I learned that I could easily live life with nothing more than acquaintances, that true, real, deep, for-good-AND-bad relationships didn’t exist.
Enter Kevin, 7 years ago (today). We’d known each other for 3 or so years from church. For the 3 months prior to 10-5-05, the day we started dating, we had become good friends, the best of friends actually. I had found myself sharing stories about my past with him that no one knew. It was scary, I couldn’t believe I’d found myself sharing some of those hurts from my childhood, but at the same time it seemed natural, safe. It was the start to a relationship that I knew was going to be different from every other one, but I didn’t know how.
I can see now that God gave me him to show me what a good, strong, open relationship was meant to be. Relationships (friends, family, ect) were meant to build us up. The close ones were made to turn us into better people. We were not meant to walk through the valleys of life alone. That was never His intent.
Since then, there have been many people walk into my life who I consider to be very close, close enough to be like family. In these last several years, there have been a few who have ripped the flesh wide open, only to leave me to sew myself back together. The first one, about killed me. Until I learned to turn to the ultimate Healer. Since then each one that does so, He shows me why they came into my life in the first place. Then I can treasure the good, and let go of the hurt much more quickly.
Then came the time He called me to start blogging. It was nerve wracking. Little old me, writing for other people to see? Umm…no thanks. I kept feeling the push, so I did so. My first post wasn’t much, but it was a start. It took a while to get on the ball, to warm up. It took a little less than a year to get into the habit of writing regularly, but it was started nonetheless.
Last year, participating in this series lead me to meet several amazing writers and through them I have met even more sensational writers. I’ve been so blessed to have fallen feet first into this community. For without them, I wouldn’t have been able to stand very well through the miscarriage we experienced at the start of the year. Without them, I wouldn’t be able to find myself sharing my heart monthly over here (where I am today, talking about that very miscarriage season).
Without God’s teaching, guidance, and nudging this journey I’ve been on. The one where He’s taught me how to be connectable with others He places in my path. Without this teaching I would be the loner of all loners.
How about you? How has God taught you to be connectable?