Sweet Grace {CMA}

This past week has been sooo full of ups and downs. Emotional highs and emotional lows. Some steps forward, some steps back.

With all the emotional ups and downs comes a lonliness. Not by anyone else’s doing, but by my own. Afraid to reach out too much, and risking the feeling of being too needy. But at the same time, so desperately longing for the connection in hopes that it will help the cycle.

Does anyone else out there feel like they’re just going around and around in circles? Making progress in some areas while back sliding in others?

Yeah, I’m there too… 

Last week I posted on growing limitlessly, and unfortunately I can’t say it’s felt like I’ve been succeeding at doing  so.

I realized this week that the whole “maintaining activeness”…well yeah, that hasn’t happened like I was hoping. While most days work keeps me active, I don’t make the effort to continue being on my feet and moving when at home.

When it comes to emotional and mental health, I’ve had more bad days than good days with this. Raging hormones has made it hard for me several days this week. Between breakdowns for over absolute nothing, being uber sensitive, and getting very, very, very worn out due to a couple stressful weeks at work, those three combined have made living healthy in both emotional and mental states lately.

Spiritually I haven’t quite found something that works for me…not just yet. I have looked into a few different options for me, and started something today that I’m hoping will work well.

So this week, I feel like I’ve backslid more than I’ve gone forward.
So this week, I am extremely thankful for the grace He gives.
So this week I am thankful for John 1:16-17:

For of His fullness we have all received, and grace upon grace. For the Law was given through Moses; grace and truth were realized through Jesus Christ.

 Had it not been for the law that Moses gave, we wouldn’t understand how desperately we need the grace that came through Christ’s sacrifice on the cross.**

With that said, this week I will cling to grace when I fail rather than stewing on the failures. I will do as Cassie says I will stop looking at the big picture, and start taking things one bite at a time. Will you join us?

On Thursdays, we join together to help each other stay accountable for our goals.

So how is your week going?  Have you been living purposefully?

We invite you to join with us in community, finding accountability for all types of things.  Are you struggling in specific areas or just in general need someone to cheer for you?

Let us know how you’re doing…by either linking up a post from your blog or simply leaving a comment!!!
(Click on link above to link up with us!)

Limitless Growing {CMA}

Yesterday marked 16 weeks into this life long journey. I will have my next appointment and will be 4 weeks out from the all telling ultrasound. The information that I didn’t want to initially know. The ultrasound to discover if we will have a son or a daughter come December. This also means we are 4 weeks away from the half-way point…seems unreal.

During these next several months I have a lot, I mean a lot, of growing to do in all areas: Physically-to better support the growing of our little one. Emotionally-attempting to learn not to give into the hormonal jumps that come along with pregnancy. Mentally-hopefully learning how to navigate this journey without totally losing a sense of self…or my mind (which some would say it was already too late for that one, haha). Spiritually-in these times of ups and downs I need to relearn why my constant walking with my God is so vital. 

My goals for the physical aspect of life still haven’t changed a whole lot. I am still trying to eat the healthier choices. As I know that will be not only what’s best for me in the long run, but also it is what helps ensure a strong, healthy little one. I still try to be active, but not to the same extent I was before. I’m doing more maintaining activeness then “lets lose this weight” activeness…no that will come back after Christmas.

The goals for emotional/mental well being are both being aware of my mental/emotional/hormonal state in order to avoid melt downs and/or blow ups. As well as admitting when I had one and apologizing for snapping on any one (this may or may not have happened a few times already). Also to watch my patience level while at work. I’ve been finding myself more and more agitated, not completely sure why, at the continual, day-in-day-out monotony that my job can be some days.

Now for the spiritual. This has been the goal I’ve been most lacking in. I think in the first trimester I used exhaustion as an excuse…a lot. I have started several quiet time studies in the past couple months but haven’t followed through with them. My hope/plan/goal is to start and finish a Women of Faith study on God’s love. I figured the best place to find examples of exactly what unconditional love looks like is to study the One who showed the ultimate display of love…right?

 So there we have it. I am shooting to write up dates each week with the CMA posts over at Must Love God. Is there any area(s) of struggle in your life right now? The ones you’ve been dealing with on your own for a time, but just cannot seem to shake it? If so, please join us in the fight to getting healthy. That’s what our Count Me Accountable Thursdays are all about.
How can I be of assistance to you in this journey?

Still haven’t found it…

Back in the fall of ’07, I found myself rolling into a new life at a Christian university that was a half hour from home. I had high hopes and big expectations as to what college life was going to hold for me. I mean, come on, I had a great boy friend at home who supported my going down there, I had a few friends from high school who were going down there as well, and I was pursuing a degree in a field I loved.

Not only that, I was going to be roommates with a girl from West Virginia whom I’d never met. When the school year started we were inseparable, got along very well, and had a lot in common. To make a long story short, it was probably the worst semester ever. After several weeks I quickly realized that I didn’t fit in as well as I thought I would. Nor did my roommie and I get along as well as we had in the beginning. The classes were good, but not as good as I had been looking forward to. I was finding myself very home sick very quickly.

Even with all that negativity surrounding my experience, there is one lesson in one of my classes that sticks with me still today. The teacher (one whom I didn’t like too much) took a secular song and gave it a deeper meaning that we might not have noticed at first, but is definitely there. First, I want you to listen to the song.

After listening to it, can you guess what the deeper meaning is? My guess is yes.

The writer of this song describes the lengths that he went to in order to find that one thing that would make him complete. After all his searching, all his trying, all his mind power the writer still wasn’t able to find that one thing to satisfy him completely.

What if instead of trying so hard to find that one thing he would have taken time to sit, be still, listen, study and wait for his Creator? Maybe then he could have found that One Thing that would have made him whole.

What about you? When you feel like something is missing, what do you do to find that peace that only comes from the One who can satisfy that longing?

Worlds Apart

Riding in my car this morning, I decided to put in one of my burnt CD’s. Having no clue what was on it, I was pleasantly surprised with the worship filled music that had been put on it a few years back.

When it rolled to the third track, my brain did a mental halt. It was a song that I’ve loved since high school, but had somehow forgotten about it. Not just had I forgotten about the song, I forgot what the lyrics held. The life changing prayer wrapped up in the song.

If you have the time, I’d encourage you to take a couple minutes and listen to World’s Apart by Jars of Clay.

The part that strikes my soul every time is the end of the song. I mean, really pay attention to what this prayer us saying. The challenge, the call, the desire of this is absolutely amazing.

I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
and wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
the battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
and wash the feet and cleanse my pride
take the selfish, take the weak,
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
the sin-soaked heart and make it yours
take my world all apart
take it now, take it now
and serve the ones that I despise
speak the words I can’t deny
watch the world I used to love
fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
forgetting what my life has cost
so wipe away the crimson stains
and dull the nails that still remain
so steal my heart and take the pain
take the selfish, take the weak
and all the things I cannot hide
take the beauty, take my tears
take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
take my world apart

Could there be any more beautiful, challenging, life changing prayer? What would our lives be like if we were to wake up and pray this every day? If we were really willing to allow Him to take our world apart and rebuild it with His? I know that my hearts desire is for Him to take my world apart and make it fresh, new, abundant with His desires, plans, and love.

This is not any easy way to live. However, it is the way He calls us to live. We cannot do this without Him, His love, and His support. So what better way to refocus is there?


Baby Steps…

That’s how we begin a process of change right?

Earlier this week, a friend and I were talking. With all the craziness that is known as first trimester pregnancy, some very vital things have been thrown down to the bottom of my priorities list. The thing is, I know where they should be. I know where I want them to be. Those two places would be the same.

Here’s what I know my priorities should be (and what I want them to be):

  1. God/Quiet time
  2. Husband
  3. Family
  4. Friends
  5. Everything else

Here’s what they have been:

  1. Everything else
  2. Friends
  3. Husband
  4. Family
  5. God/Quiet time

So lately I’ve been a little confused, stressed, easily irritated, and so on. Through conversations like the one I mentioned earlier, I have come to realize that I have a great need to get my priorities back in line. Until they are in proper order (or at least close to proper order) those mental states are not going to change.

The One Year Bible with the hubs? Yeah, we started it off with great intentions…but haven’t been able to remain as steadfast as either of us had hoped. So we’ll try it later, maybe after the baby comes, but until then, we’re going to look for something else to do together.

This morning, before work, I took a baby step in the right direction. I made a quiet time binder. It’s a central location for anything and everything pertaining to quiet time/spiritual health. It will contain everything from a prayer journal, scriptures that jump out at me during quiet time, excerpts from devotionals/blogs/books that I really like and want to have easily accessible, to songs that nourish my soul, the 1,000 gifts list(s), ect.

Baby step two, for me? Taking this month off of Facebook. It takes up so much of my time, that I really need to get away from it, at least for a while. It always helps when I disconnect for a while, if even only from one of the facets.

The plan is to wake up tomorrow morning and have that be the first thing I see. The first thing I do. The plan is to first write out a prayer, then meditate on some scripture, and perhaps listen to some worship.

This isn’t something I want to do tomorrow and tomorrow only. This is a change I hope to make long term. This is a habit I hope to establish. One that I can pass down to our little one. Maybe even spend some time with the little one reading, singing, laughing after our journey of life starts.

So here I am, about to head to bed. Getting as much rest as I can tonight. For it is already Friday, my how time has escaped me tonight. Will give updates and progress reports as time goes on. Hopefully this will re-ignite my creative gland when it comes to posting more frequently again.

Blessings on the start of June for you friends!