Today I reached out to a former friend. Our friendship ended on an extremely sour note. As with most relational ends, we both had a part to play. In my attempt, I asked if we could sit down and talk through the way things went down between the two of us. While she is willing to get together, she is refusing to talk through the way our friendship ended.
We go to the same church and have several reasons for wanting to get to the point of at least being able to have small talk with her. While I’ve forgiven the hurts, pain, ect. that the friendship caused, I am having a hard time just picking up and moving on. I still have some deep wounds, scars and scabs that I feel are only going to go away if she and I can sit down like adults and talk through these issues.
We, as Christ-followers, are called to:
“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with every one.” Romans 12:18
I’m having trouble figuring out what how to best heal from these scars, I’ve been praying and continue to pray for the wounds to be healed from them, but am having a hard time due to a lack of closure with the issues.
The way it looks now, I have 3 options on how to go on from here. Option 1: Just do as she said, let the past rest in the past and not deal with any lingering feelings or scars. Option 2: Journal through all the scars and such. Option 3: Just continue to avoid her and steer clear of events that we’ll both be at and praying that eventually she’ll be willing to at least talk about things.
The problem being, I don’t like any of these options. I’d rather be able to sit down and talk these things through. Since that doesn’t seem like it’s going to be possible, I’m trying to figure out the next best one.
While it’s not a chipper way to start off the week…this is the area I’m struggling the most in at this point. I’d really love advice or other ideas (more brains stirring the pot can be helpful with this).
belovedpursuit 
Wearing wounds and scars is one thing I know well. I take great comfort in knowing that Jesus wears them too.
That’s a beautiiful concept, Christina. I’m right there with you.in the wearing.of scars, but have never thought of them that way. Amazing.
Amy,
Keep praying for God’s guidance in both your life and hers but remember you are only responsible for your actions and your willingness to move forward. Sometimes it helps to write it all out the burn it or tear it, symbolizing that you are letting go. Ask God to heal the wounds through His touch, even though it may seem talking it out will help, it doesn’t always have the resolution we are expecting. In fact, she might even say more hurtful things to avoid her part. Try to see the relationship as changed and that season may be changing.
Above all else, keep holding on tight to the knowledge that God made you a special and talented young woman, look to Him for your confidence and peace No matter what this person decides to do, God is working through you and helping you take steps to grow and mature.
Hang in there
Letting go and surrender are things He’s been teaching me lately. I’m going to try to look at it ob this light, I made my attempt to reconcile and met an unwilling opponent, so my job is done. Now it’s time to focus on God’s work in me in this and trust His timing on if/when her heart softens to the idea.
Forgiveness is about your own heart . . . and really, closure only needs to happen between you and Jesus. You can’t force her to talk about it. If you try, it will only alienate her further.
I think that journaling it in the form of writing letters to God is going to be the best way to get through it. In addition, pray blessings on her and for her — repeatedly. That might be the single best way to get beyond the hurt. *hugs*
Thanks Mere. As you know, writing is my love, the easiest way for me to get things out of my head and heart and placing them into His arms. That was the way I was leaning anyway. Thanks for the incite.
That is awfully good advice! Can’t say I could add anything better. Praying for you to be able to find your own closure, Amy – with or without your friend. 🙂
Thanks Michelle! I’m on my way there. 🙂
When this has happened in the past, I’ve written a letter to the friend and then ripped it up. This helped me to get my feelings out even if the person wasn’t interested in hearing what I needed to say. Also, pray FOR her. This has such power to change your heart! It’s not easy, that’s for sure, but sometimes the Holy Spirit needs to change our perspective. I truly understand where you are, and you’re in my prayers, sweet sister. Blessings!
That’s another good idea. I know I need to do some sort of writing to figure it out. I really felt the call to at least attempt to reconcile to the point of at least being able to small talk. Since I followed the call, I’m going to pray to be content in the knowledge that at least I did my part.
Time has a way of revealing the best ways to handle things like this. If she’s not ready to talk, then maybe she’s not in a true place of healing yet. Give God time and, if it’s meant to be, it will be everything you {and her} need it to be. Praying for you…
I’m at the point of being okay with not talking to her about it. If I see her, I’ll say hi and smile, but that’s about it unless she prompts a get together to talk through things. I’m at peace with the fact I did what He asked me to do. Anything further falls elsewhere at this point. 🙂
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