So I was challenged by one of the writers I follow, to write a blog on my fears. In fact, we’re going to have a little community of fear writers today. So here it goes.
The first thing that came to mind when I thought of my fear is this: I fear losing those I cherish more then anything in this world. This includes (but not limited to) my husband, my parents, my sister, and my close friends (to name a few). Being someone who doesn’t usually make friends very easily, those that I do have, become closer then friends and more like family.
To me the thought of having to walk through this life without them scares me. Each and every one of them has taught me something and helps me through the roughest of times. I cannot imagine how I would be able to stand some days without my support system.
This is certainly something God’s been working on in my heart the past couple years since I’ve gotten married. Since then, I have seen 4 friendships crumble (1 2 years ago, and the other 3 since January)–almost all of them friends that I thought I could never move forward without. The first and the last losses were the hardest. The first was a friend I’d had for 7-8 years, she was one of my (if not the) only friends. The last was one I connected with instantly and we became, as a mutual friend pointed out, closer than Velcro.
Through each of these losses God’s been showing me His faithfulness to provide something better. Now, I have a close friend who’s not only my age, but worth more to me then all 3 of the friends I’ve become estranged to. I have a mentor who I know loves me dearly and is THE most encouraging person I know. I have seen more positives come out of the losses then I thought possible.
In the past 3 years, I have also had to face the reality of the fact that I could lose one of my parents before I’m 30. That was a tough thing to realize. Almost three years ago we found out that my dad has lung cancer, while it’s growing slowly, the first thing my mind went to was “how in the world am I going to be able to make it through that when the time comes.” Honestly, that still crosses my mind fairly frequently, but less frequently since my walk has been growing deeper.
So until that day comes, I choose to take advantage of the time I do have. I am choosing to release my fear of losing my loved ones to God, and I am trying to think of the now, not the possibility of what could happen.
I would love to hear from you. Do you relate to this? Or is there a different fear that sometimes paralyzes you from taking the leaps that God may be asking of you?