The Beast

I feel this haze around me. It’s just hanging there. The events of the past couple weeks are hanging in this haze. My mind’s on over load. There’s been so much information thrown at me lately that my mind refuses to touch said events. Too much to try to comprehend right now. Honestly, I don’t know if I’ll ever completely comprehend what just happened.

The haze that I feel? It’s an all too familiar haze. It’s one I never wanted to feel again. For me, this haze means depression is lurking ever so closely. I haven’t felt depressed in almost 6 years. It’s not something I intend to fall back into. So friends, I ask, will you pray against this treacherous work of the enemy? I know it comes from him, and the last thing I want to do is succumb to Satan’s schemes. I know, too, that I cannot overcome it without the help and support of my friends and family.

For I know that with God on my side, I will victor over this. It won’t be easy, but it will happen. I have found for me that the number one way to overcome these feelings is to put it into the light. Depression kept in the darkness will only consume me. I cannot let that happen. I have too much positive to look forward to in my life. I am confident that through my prayers, and the prayers of those like you, this beast will leave sooner than later. After all, God is big enough to overcome.

I ask, join me in my prayer against Satan’s schemes? Against his will for me to succumb to depression and focus only on the bad, and not look past it to see the beauty in everyday life? I would greatly appreciate it.

Hiatus & Prayer

So, if you noticed, I did not participate in the 5 minute Friday post as I have been. Yesterday was a bit busy for me. I helped a friend get her mind off of a tough situation going on right now, and she, in turn, helped me clear my mind of some events that made the week rather stressful. After that, I went to train at another group home for a few hours. By the time I got home, I was SO tired.

The topic was Older, when I got home around 9pm I logged onto my computer, logged my time for work, then flipped to see what the topic was. I got as far as the title, then felt my brain just give up for the night. By give up, I mean the only thing I was up for doing was watching a movie right before falling asleep. I’ll be back in full gear next week. I’ll definitely have a Thirsty Thursday post and I will be back for 5 Minute Friday next week. Bear with me. 🙂

For the prayer request: My family got some very bad news last week. I’d appreciate that you would pray for all of us as we go through this. Pray that we will have the strength and courage to forgive and the words to say to encourage each other.

Thanks for all your support over the past couple months. 🙂


Thirsty Thursday — week 2

Last week I talked about Adam and Eve’s thirst for what they couldn’t have, if you missed it, catch up with us here. This week I’m going to be talking about their sons.

“…on Cain and his offering He [God] did not look with favor. So Cain was very angry and his face was downcast.” Genesis 4:5

Nothing drives someone more than jealousy. Whether it’s the good ‘ole and all too familiar sibling rivalry, or something else. In almost every family you’ll find some kind of jealousy: child-child, parent-parent, child-parent, or even parent-child. Whether it’s the out-going, active, sports enthusiast child against the intellectual, band geek, or if it’s the slacker against the suck up. If you’re in a family chances are that you’ve experienced such rivalry.

What exactly drives one to feel the need to compete with others? Is it our own selfish desire for attention? Or what about the thirst for attention? Or could it be both? I think so.

If you’ve ever read the story of Cain and Able, you’ve heard the first-ever recorded instant in which sibling rivalry took place. You’ve read about the first time jealousy overwhelmed someone to the point of hurting another person. If you haven’t read it, I’d encourage you to do so, you can read it here. After reading this passage, think about it, what would you had done if you would have been in Cain’s shoes?

Cain takes his fleshly thirst for favor and acceptance into his own hands. I can see him thinking, or perhaps even saying, “I’l show that goody-too-shoes brother of mine what happens when you cross your brother like that…” Jealousy so deep that it leads to anger. Anger so great that it leads to rage. Rage that became so overwhelming that he gave into his urge to “take care” of his problem.

But why? Why doesn’t Cain just use this as a chance to get better? To put his entire heart into it next time? Why doesn’t Cain just walk away and give himself time to cool off? It doesn’t seem like it would be so hard. My guess is that this was a reqeated scenerio. That this situation was the one that pushed Cain over the edge.

So, do you have a relationship that brings about a jealousy or rivalry that leads you to war with that person? Boy, I have. Not only do I have just one sibling, I have four. Three of which are sisters. My ENTIRE life has been spent comparing my actions/possessions/accomplishments against theirs. If it wasn’t comparing our lives it was warring over which was better, who was the better child, who deserved this or that more.

How about with your brothers and sisters in Christ? Have you ever found yourself competing, fighting, and begging for God’s favor over someone you feel is a threat in your spiritual life? If I’m guilty of this offense too.

So What can we do? How can we keep ourselves from repeating Cain’s mistake of allowing his thirst of favor to prevent us from allowing our jealousy to over come us in the way his did? How can we decide to allow these differences to shape us rather than drive us?

My idea would be to begin my praying and thanking God for that challenging relationship. Thank Him for our differences and ask Him to help us see what we can learn from them, rather than trying to one up their actions. Secondly, instead of looking for ways that we don’t measure up to others, why not look for our own God-given strengths and gifts and start to use them? Lastly, find a friend to confide in, or even a journal and the days you’re feeling like you’re slipping down the slippery slope, write, write your heart out and write out a prayer about it too. You’d be amazed at how much this helps.

I know, I know. Some of you may be thinking, “but Amy, I wouldn’t ever dream of killing so and so…” This may be true but don’t forget in Matthew we are told that if we pass judgement, or ridicule on one of our siblings, biological or spiritual, then we are just as guilty as Cain.

So this week, rather than doing things to earn favor or one up those around us in efforts to earn God’s attention and approval, why don’t we try to love those siblings that it’s oh so easy to despise. Why do this? The better question is probably why not do this? If we do this we are extending the same love and grace the God extends to us everyday. Then, maybe our little piece of the world will be just a little sweeter.

Blessings, love and grace over this next week!


Today, I sat talking to the precious little one that I have had the privilege of watching for the past 2 school years. While it wasn’t intended for me to be there today, I’m glad events lead me to be. While we were talking, daddy was mentioned, at the mention of him, he started to cry. Not a tantrum, but deep, sincere, heartfelt tears simply because he missed his daddy.

As I held him in my lap, I am reminded of the sweet little eighteen month old that he was when I first started. Even then, we had these days when he would be upset because mommy and daddy had to work. As I held him, it’s hard for me to believe that he’s now three and a half. Now, unlike when he was a year and a half, we can discuss why daddy was at work. After calming him down, he went and started to play. As I watched him, I couldn’t help but be reminded of the call on us believers. Those of us who believe in Christ as savior of the world are supposed to be like this three year old.

When was the last time we felt alone due to the fact that we felt the void of not having our Daddy as close as he once was? How many of us, when we feel the absence of our Father respond with the sadness that we should? Sadness, not because He left our side, but because we fell out of step with His plans for us. Sure, maybe it was accidental. Perhaps though, for some, it was intentional.

Busyness and distractions are probably the two biggest things Satan uses against those of us who profess a love for God and His son. Satan uses, and succeeds at using them, far too often. I don’t know what sort of things the enemy uses to draw you away. However, I do know that he LOVES to use my work, he definitely uses my habitual laziness, and often, he uses my willingness to help those around me.

That’s right, for me, Satan uses a God-given trait to draw me away from God. I am a (recovering) people pleaser and an over-committer. I have seen and felt how Satan can use BOTH of these in tandem to draw me away from seeking a deep, intimate relationship with God. After all, if he can keep us busy by disguising it as service to God, he knows we’ll concentrate on serving Him rather than searching Him.

If you’re like me and have a hard time saying no, especially to things that are essentially and naturally good/godly things, I would encourage you to seek Him and ensure He’s really calling you to it. I would also warn you to not over-commit yourself and get so busy that you lose track of your walk and even yourself in the midst of all that’s going on. Also, if you feel yourself starting to get burnt out because of all you’re doing, I’d encourage you that it’s okay to take a step back for a while and refresh yourself before going back to it again, and maybe when you go back trim down the amount of things you are involved in, in hopes to avoid burn out.

Now, backing away may not be as easy as it sounds. Especially when you have been involved for a while and have grown fond of the people that surround you. Trust me though, sometimes we need to step back for a little while. I have had to do this in the the not too distant past. It may and probably will be hard at first, but over time, if it’s something He’s called you away from, it will become the most freeing thing you have ever experienced.

For those who have intentionally walked away from God, I don’t know your story, or why you have chosen the path you go down. I do know, however, that the God you once followed still loves and cares for you deeper than you can imagine. I know beyond a shadow of doubt that He is waiting for you to turn around and acknowledge Him. The longer you keep your back to Him the more His heart breaks for you. Like I said, I don’t know what lead you to walk away, but I can guarantee that if you do turn back to Him, your life will be blessed and the rewards will be well worth the trials that come along with following God.

Now, if you’re reading this and don’t know God, or you do and don’t have or don’t understand what it means to be a follower of Him, join the club. None of us who follow Him have it all together. Most of us would like you to think we do, but if we’re honest, we’re as broken (if not more so) than anyone else. If you would like to know more about this relationship I have with Him, do me a favor, either drop me a comment or an e-mail ( with any comments/concerns/questions you have for me. I promise you, I will do my best to answer the questions. If I don’t have the answers right now, I promise you, that I will find them for you.

So, will you (no matter what stage you are in) join me in becoming like the precious three year old? Are you willing to cry for your Daddy when you don’t see/feel Him near? If not, my friend, will you share what may be holding you back, so that I might pray with you in your time of need?

A Humbled Servant

Starting the List

On several of the sites that I follow they do lists of the things they’re thankful for on Mondays. It’s a challenge from here and it’s one that I have decided to accept. So most Mondays, at the end of my posts, you’ll see lists numbers (picking up where I left off) followed by what I’m thankful for. 

  1. A God who loves me no matter what
  2. This day
  3. Freedom to live out my belief
  4. Freedom from who I used to be
  5. A job
    1. not just a job but one I thoroughly enjoy
  6. My husband
  7. My Dad
  8. My Mom
  9. A best friend in my younger sister
  10. My Accountability partner
  11. My Mentor
  12. My amazing church family
  13. A roof over my head
  14. A car that runs
  15. Food in the fridge
  16. A soft, comfy bed
  17. Nice, durable couch and chair
  18. The Blogs that challenge me
  19. Fellow writers who encourage me
  20. The chance to write my heart
There will be more to come in the future this is just my basic start. I look forward to sharing more of what my heart is thankful for and hope you’ll enjoy it as much as I do. 

Blessings on your week all!

To My Core

Have you ever had someone say something to you that for one reason or another just rubbed you the wrong way? I have a lot. Some hit harder than others. Some, depending on the source, touches a place with in that you thought was closed off forever — not necessarily in a good way. Then there are the ones that just roll off your back and we never think of it again.

Well, recently, I had a comment from someone I don’t even know hit me hard, and I mean extremely hard. Practically crushed me. Although, I’m fairly certain that it wasn’t meant to cause harm, but it stung all the same. After laying my heart out, admitting to probably the biggest struggle I have, the comment tore to the deepest of my core.

For those who don’t know me, you’re probably wondering where I’m coming from, unless you’ve ready any of my previous blogs. For those who do know me, you can probably guess where this is coming from. Just so we’re all on the same page, this blog is coming out of my constant, ever-going, never-ceasing, always-daunting struggle with a little (HA!) thing called insecurity.

It’s strange how one comment that ends up discouraging someone can stand out and being to tear you down. Even if the ration is one negative comment to a dozen positive ones. This happens to people who struggle as I do.

I can say that after doing some immense work with God and the support of a mentor, there have been strides made in gaining control over the beast. Even with all the work that the 3 of us have worked on, insecurity is STILL a daily and consistent battle.

I am choosing to forgive the offender, because, after all, they may not have even meant it that way. I am choosing to release the hold that the comment had over me all afternoon.

Now, back to the struggle. I’ve recently learned some of the tips to overcome the stumbling blocks that may be placed in my way. By the generous portion of grace that my loving Creator gives, day by day, hour by hour, and minute by minute, I am gradually gaining control over my falls to insecurity.

Since God gave the security to me, I am going to do my best not to give it away, to anyone. How? By depending on the strength I know my Almighty Daddy will give me. No matter how hard it will be at times, I will look to God for my self-esteem.

For some, saying that if I think I am __________ then I will be __________, works for them. For others like me, it takes more work then simply thinking it.

It takes a process of turning the head knowledge that we generally have into a heart knowledge. That process (for me) includes massive amounts of prayer, continual accountability, constant reminders (both scriptural and personally), and a ton of prayer from those around me.

For some issues, they clear up in a matter of days, hours or even (rarely) minutes. For most, it takes weeks, or months. Then for a few (like my insecurity problems) it can take years or even a lifetime.

My prayer is for support, not judgement. I hope for love not pity. Most of all, I look to glorify God and gain nothing else for me.

Well, here it is, my heart sprawled out.

Peace Friends!